What sign were you born “under?” “Quiet—Hospital Zone.”

A nice but blundering old lady like the pastor and wanted to compliment him as she leaving church after services. So she said to him, “I must say, Sir, that we folks didn’t know what sin was until you took charge of our parish.”

Mr. and Mrs. McKee, vacationing in Rome, were being shown through the Coliseum. “Now, this room,” said the guide, “is where the slaves dressed to fight the lions.” “But how does one dress to fight lions?” inquired Mr. McKee. “Very slow-w-w-w-ly,” replied the guide.

Joe: Did you hear that the smartest kid in the world is becoming deaf? Larry: No, tell me about it. Joe: What did you say?

“You’re not smart enough to talk to an idiot!” “Okay! I’ll send you a letter.”

To make a smile come, so they say, brings 15 muscles into play. But if you want a frown to thrive you have to use some 65!

“Did you see that young lady smile at me?” “That’s nothing. The first time I saw you, I laughed right out loud.”

Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can get to heaven? Bobby: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you’ll get there.

Why is it that the loudest snorer is always the first one to get to sleep?

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? A: An offer you can’t understand.