In honor of football season, give these a try.

• God saw Adam was sad and asked what was wrong.

I’m lonely, Adam said.

God said, That’s no good. How about I make you a companion? One that is gorgeous, will cook and clean, and doesn’t mind when you spend time with the guys or watch football?

Adam said, That’s awesome, What will it cost?

Only an arm and a leg, God replied.

Adam thought and asked, What can I get for a rib?

• At the biggest football game of the season, all the seats were taken.

I saw 2 seats were empty. Curious, I asked the guy beside the empty seats if any one was coming for them.

“My wife was supposed to come, but she passed away,” he replied.

“And the other empty seat?” I asked.

“My best friend was supposed to come with us,” he answered.

I asked why his best friend didn’t come.

He replied, “Oh, he’s at the funeral!”.