A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license. She replies in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. “Just yesterday you took away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”

Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet? Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!

A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, “Can’t you see I’m winning?”

A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, “Where did you get her?” The pig answered, “I won her at the fair.”

A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the brunette says, “Aw, look at the dead birdie.” The blonde looks up and says, “Where?”

Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, “two to four years.” How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has “please turn over” written on both sides.

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. “Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”

What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins.

If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first? The brunette – the blonde would have to stop for directions!

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer’s disease? Her IQ goes up!

What are a blonde’s first words after graduating college? “Would you like fries with that?”

Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!

What happened to the blonde at the soccer stadium? She drowned when they did the wave.

Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.

A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She said, “It got cold so I turned off the fan.”

How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.

How do you kill a Blonde? Put a Scratch ‘n Sniff at the bottom of a pool.

Why do blondes leave empty beer cans in their refrigerator? For their friends that don’t drink.

Why don’t blondes get coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.

Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!