Mental Health Matters: Caregiving

Whether you are taking care of young children, a disabled adult or an elderly person, caregiving involves physical and emotional challenges we do not tend to think about until it is our turn to be a caregiver.

It is common for caregivers to feel overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed can arise when you are trying to manage your own life as well as that of another person who has needs and wants they cannot meet without some or much assistance. Taking on the extra duties of meal planning, doctor appointments, living arrangements, laundry, medications, social activities and more often leave caregivers feeling tired and burned out.

Caregiving can also cause feelings of loneliness and isolation as you realize that many of the people around you do not understand what you are going through. There can be confusing and conflicting thoughts and feelings about your role because, while it is for someone you care about, this role means giving up other parts of your life. It is also the case that sometimes we need to care for someone whose behaviors are maddening, difficult or even scary, like when toddlers throw a tantrum or a person with dementia wanders or becomes aggressive.

If you are feeling lonely, overwhelmed or isolated, it helps to talk to someone about what you are experiencing even if they cannot fully understand what you are going through. There may be support groups with people in similar situations, such as play groups for new parents and support groups for those caring for an adult with a disability or illness. Seeing a counselor or your clergy regularly can also be a good support to add to your support system. If your loved one is living in a facility, be sure to explore how the staff can take on some of your duties.

Caregiving also comes with a lot of decisions which can feel burdensome even when we feel fully committed to our caregiving role. Feeling burdened may come from the sheer number or weight of the decisions being made. Often, the burden comes from caring so much that we devote extra time and energy to ensure the right decisions are made for our loved one. If this is the case for you, try to remember it is not possible to make the perfect decision all the time. Additionally, seek out those who can provide you with solid information or serve as a sound board.

The stress of being a caregiver can increase if you do not feel comfortable performing your duties. Seek out sources of education. Maybe you need a parenting class or classes about caring for a dementia patient. The medical staff involved in your loved one’s care can be an excellent source of information. For example, they can give you tips and tricks for moving and lifting patients, providing bathing help, performing wound care, managing a special diet and more. There are also videos and books available that cover practical aspects of caregiving, so be sure to ask your local librarian for help finding those sources.

Self-care is always important but becomes more so when you are a caregiver. Unfortunately, the time and energy you use in your caregiving role can make it more difficult to care for yourself. As much as possible, eat a healthy diet with meals at regular times. Get enough sleep and attend to your own grooming needs. Find others who can take over for you for an hour or more then add regularly scheduled time off to your calendar. Use the time to engage in some self-care activity that is meaningful and helpful for you. Some suggestions are to read, go to a movie, catch up with a friend, take a relaxing bath, exercise, get a massage, have your hair cut or simply take a nap.

If you find yourself in a crisis, do not try to handle it alone. Reach out to the crisis hotline at 988, call a family member, friend or neighbor or contact emergency services depending on the crisis. If you feel emotionally unstable, make sure your loved one is in a safe situation then step away to call for help and regain composure. It may help to do some deep breathing, splash cold water on your face or run in place for a minute.

Above all, keep in mind that you are doing a hard job. While there may be times it seems thankless, your job as a caregiver is vitally important for helping another person live their best life in whatever circumstances those are.

Nora Sinclair is a licensed professional counselor and national certified counselor based in Lexington, S.C.