BEHIND THE MIKE

There we stood on the 18th green at what used to be Coldstream Country Club in Irmo, SC, all set for a twilight wedding ceremony. But God had different plans and He opened the skies with a deluge of rain.

So our wedding ceremony was moved inside to the men’s locker room, where I took my wife’s hand in marriage. It went from being one of the most romantic scenes to the most embarrassing.

Imagine saying “I do” in front of the men’s urinal. All the guests were gathered around the locker room draped in sheets. Many others were unable to even get into the room.

There are awkward situations… and then there is our marriage ceremony. I think it is safe to say Christine and I were the only two people ever to be married in that locker room, or for that matter, any locker room.

At just 25 years old and fundamentally too stupid to realize the ridiculousness of my circumstance, I rolled with the punches. I guess God had a plan for us but it didn’t include saying “I do” on the 18th green with the sun about to set over our shoulders.

When your marriage kicks off with that kind of embarrassing low, things can only improve from then on. Actually, they got a little more bizarre before they got better. By the time the wedding ceremony had ended, all the people who could not fit in the men’s room had gathered where the food was laid out for the reception.

You guessed it… they helped themselves… several times in fact. When the ceremony had ended, the tables were bare. Not only did those who made it into the men’s john not get to eat, neither did the bride and groom.

Once the cake was cut and we departed for our hotel, I figured we would just grab something to eat there. Naturally, the restaurant had closed by the time we arrived.

So we enjoyed our wedding night in a Ramada Inn with a television that only got World Wide Wrestling, very poor air conditioning, a shower that ran lukewarm water, and see-through towels about the size of a postage stamp.

What were we thinking? We should have just gone to our own home, which I had purchased a year earlier. Such is life. We later found out that the entire Aun family had gathered at my parent’s home for an post-wedding bash that went deep into the night. With Aun’s Feed Stable, our family restaurant, next door there were plenty of vittles and booze.

The next day, we headed off to our honeymoon in Florida where things continued to be even more bizarre. Turns out that our hotel was in an area where it was acceptable for people to sunbathe topless.

I have to admit, this did not bother me so much, except for the fact that my new bride was at my side when we stepped into the elevator to return to our room. The topless ladies that joined us just before the door closed had me feeling out of sorts.

Having Christine with me in an elevator full of topless women is sort of like taking the Game Warden hunting. It gave a whole new take on the word “awkward.”

Since that fateful day, Christine and I have attended scores of weddings, but we are yet to find one that was “not-so-perfect” as ours. Whoever said “Your wedding day is the best time of your life!” must have been on drugs or something. Such is life.

Michael Aun CSP,  CPAE Speaker Hall of Fame, is the author of “From Fear to Fame in Public Speaking… a Roadmap from a World Champion Speaker”