This dirty little Christmas story happened to a single mother whose kids believed in Santa.

After they went to bed on Christmas Eve, Dee poured Santa’s milk down the drain and ate the cookies, but she wanted a little more. She’s a creative gal and thought having Santa Claus’s fingerprints seemed fun.

She called the man she was dating because he had a fireplace and she wanted an excuse to see him.

“Hey, Mike, it’s Dee.”

“Hey, Dee. Why are you whispering?”

“Because I don’t want to wake the kids. I hope you can help me. I need some smut. Do you have any?”

“Wait? What?”

“Smut. I need some.”

“Did you say ‘smut’? Did you just say that you really needed some smut?”

Double meaning

Mike was confused and thought he had really misjudged his new girlfriend.

“Ummmmm, I don’t keep that kind of thing here, but I guess I could go to the store. I guess the gas stations are open. I don’t think they sell that kind of thing at Walgreens. What kind do you want? Dee, this has really caught me off guard.”

“Wait. What kind of man has to go to the store to get smut? You don’t have any at your house? And what do you mean what kind do I want? The dirty kind. Dirty smut. And why would you go to a gas station?” They were both confused.

“Sorry I bothered you. I thought you had a fireplace,” Dee said and quickly hung up.

When Mike heard the word “fireplace” it made sense. He filled a small container with ashes from his fireplace, and headed on his Christmas errand.

Dee got just what she needed: ashes to create Santa’s fingerprints and a visit from her sweetheart.

What Dee called smut, Michael called soot.

An urban dictionary defines smut differently.

Be accurate

No matter what you call it, using soot from the fireplace to create Santa’s fingerprints is a good one.

If you ask a friend for some ash, make sure to call it “soot” not “smut.” No smutty Christmases this year, please. 2020 has been hard enough.

Tammy Davis is a teacher and writer. To share her stories each week, subscribe to her website at www.tammydavisstories.com