These, as Thomas Paine famously wrote more than 250 years ago, are the times that try men’s souls. Women’s, too.

Despite the covid pandemic, I had a small test myself the other day. I got to try out my defibrellator, found that it actually works and am here to share the tale with you.

SHORTLY AFTER noon Wednesday, Feb. 24, I was minding my own business, causing no trouble and cooking chili in our kitchen when a bolt of lightning hit me in the chest.

It all but knocked me down. I’m glad I grabbed the range because less than 15 seconds later, it hit me again.

If you’ve never been shocked by a defibrellator – and I hope you’ve avoided that – it’s what you might imagine if feels like for King Kong to hit you in the chest.

I love my defibrellator so much I carry it near my heart. And I’m grateful it shocked me. It did what it was supposed to do – shock my heart back into rhythm. If it had not, I might not be writing you today.

I SAT DOWN in our dining room, called our son Mark, my cardiologist and 911.

The dispatcher, Tucker Hood, was a pro and had 2 EMTs, Jeff Langston and Stephanie Brougher, in an ambulance at our house in less than 15 minutes.

Jeff and Stephanie were just as professional. They asked good questions, checked my vital signs, had me stretch out on a rolling gurney and pushed me up the hill to their ambulance. We were at the Lexington Medical Center emergency room 20 minutes later. Aside from stress, I felt okay.

MACLEOD MET me at the ER and we passed every diagnostic test available.

Nurse English Pierce and Dr. Doug Weddle took care of everything. I just had to lie there and not make a fuss.

The cardiologists decided an arterial blockage was slowing blood flow to my heart. They checked me into a room where I had the prettiest nurses on the planet.

The next day, they wheeled me to the cath lab, shoved a probe up a major artery, diligently sought a blockage and found nothing. They may have been disappointed but I was relieved. That meant no bypass surgery. I’ve been there before.

I was ready to go home then but no, they needed to run more tests including-ultrasounds. They even brought in a Medtronics pacemaker expert to check mine out.

They couldn’t figure out what caused my heart to start racing out of rhythm but they tweeked my pacemaker and defibrellator and changed my medication.

Now I’m back at work and feel fine. It’s almost as if nothing happened.

THE GOOD NEWS is I’ll survive. Despite rumors to the contrary, I do have a heart and it’s still ticking. I can hear it.

The bad news is I’ll be around to cause trouble a few more years. Since I lost my hair, some people are still wondering where I hide my horns.

I love all our readers and wanted you to know the truth.

Next: More media nonsense

A shocking story