When you hear “doula” what do you think of?

After the interview with Death Doula Heather Leigh, I got a letter from Deborah Whetsel of Lexington.

Whetsel is a certified birth doula and Chronicle reader.

With her life experience, when she heard the word “doula” she thought of the role she plays. Birth doulas provide continuous emotional and physical support during labor and childbirth.

Did you know death doulas serve a similar purpose?

Instead of welcoming a new baby, death doulas provide end-of-life assistance. Coming to terms with death, becoming a self-advocate and making arrangements requires support.

Helping people have a “good death” is one a goal.

Dying can be difficult to think about, sure.

It is also a complex physical process.

The body shutting down is hard work.

That’s why Leigh’s role is meant to be calming.

Leigh wants her clients and their caregivers to focus on what they need to do before death.

It’s important to Leigh to provide support to the dying client, their caregivers and their families.

Leigh describes the role of a death doula as providing comfort and understanding.

That often looks like helping make it okay for the client to die.

She helps clients and their families become advocates for the client’s care.

She also provides realistic hope.

You may have experienced it for yourself.

When health circumstances are dire, we want to explore every medical rabbit hole. Friends, family, and neigh

Friends, family, and neighbors are eager to offer advice and potential remedies.

This says nothing of the treatments the client’s medical team may suggest.

Clients and their families sometimes get caught up in wanting to prolong life at any cost.

Leigh says it’s important to give thought to what that extended life looks like.

Clients need to ask about what their quality of life will be.

How independent will they be?

What are the side effects and consequences?

Are those realities the client and their family want?

Part of Leigh’s role is helping her clients navigate asking hard questions. She helps clients communicate their wishes and needs to their families and doctors.

Another aspect is helping caregivers cope.

Making long-term plans with terminal illnesses is impossible.

This is also true for patients with Alzheimer’s and dementia.

Often, caregivers have to take treatment day by day.

Evaluating what quality of life, hope, and realistic expectations are each day can bring comfort and some peace.

With Alzheimer’s and dementia patients in particular, Leigh suggests meeting the individual where they are.

Arguing stresses caregivers and is likely to frustrate and confuse the client.

Learning to meet clients where they are is an essential skill.

Whether it’s a past time or place, caregivers can avoid placing additional friction on an already strained relationship.

It’s important to remember caregivers are under tremendous pressure.

That pressure often doesn’t release when the person they were caring for passes away.

Loss and trying to pick up the pieces can be overwhelming.

Even the logistics of death can feel like too much.

Fortunately, Leigh has resources to help.

She has contacts who can help with legal matters pertaining to end of life. She can also help if families need help moving a terminal patient. She has individuals to contact if a client was in a hoarding situation and sorting or organization services are required.

If you or a loved one need help with grief or want to learn more, call 803-900-4751 or visit https://healingwithheather.com/.