Who do you call when things get tough?

As we mature, our circle of close friends and family dwindles. People we care for move or pass away.

Losing our support system leaves many of us feeling lost. We feel less able to deal with stressors and loss when they happen.

Certified Grief Support Specialist and Death Doula Heather Leigh wants to be the person people reach out to when they’re having a hard time.

She wants people to know they don’t have to depart this world with regrets.

Grief is more complex than we give it credit for. Leigh says there are over 43 events of life that create grief situations.

It might be a divorce, having a child, an empty nest, loss of health or something else.

Grief isn’t always death and dying.

As an end-of-life specialist and founder of Healing with Heather, Leigh saw a need in Lexington County. The families she worked with desperately needed help in dealing with loss.

They were told “time heals all wounds” and were encouraged to “pick themselves up by the bootstraps.”

This advice left the families hurting.

They felt the pain of their unaddressed loss and felt guilty. The guilt came from not meeting the expectations of their friends and family.

Leigh wanted to be qualified to provide actual help to these families. She had done grief support as a young adult in her church and wanted more experience.

She pursued certification through The Grief Recovery Institute. In the evidencebased program, she learned many of the things we believe about grief are not true.

Time does nothing by itself to help people cope with loss and grief – they must take action.

She suggests thinking about a loss like an injury. If you get a deep cut and don’t clean the wound, you may end up with a serious infection. Will the serious infection go away on its own? No. Grief and loss work the same way.

The idea of closure is another myth.

“We do not believe there is closure in grief. There never is because closure is indicating that we put a lid on it, that it’s finalized and it will never come back again. ...We know that is not true. It will come back and it will be ugly.”

Often her clients will come to her as seniors when a family member or spouse dies. Those deaths are often a breaking point and can be overwhelming.

Learning to reshape the way they think about experiences is essential. Her clients must be willing to look at their experiences and do the work to feel better.

Language and perception are powerful tools. Regret can’t change the past. By having honest conversations about loss, she can help clients understand and cope.

Leigh’s focus is on meeting her clients where they are in the grieving process. Her clients leave with resources and tools they can use moving forward.

They can identify when they’re having a self-destructive thought or memory. Then they take the necessary steps to maintain control of their situation. “Retail therapy” for coping is more harmful than helpful and leaves us feeling worse.

Although everyone is different, the Grief Recovery Method usually takes between 6-8 weeks.

It’s not therapy in the usual sense. The program has a definitive beginning, middle, and ending.

She also doesn’t work with insurance companies. Her stance is no one should be denied access because their insurance doesn’t approve.

Even when approved, insurance companies often restrict how many sessions are “necessary.” That isn’t in her clients’ best interests.

Many of her clients are seniors on a fixed income. Heather’s motto is “No one’s emotional and mental health should be put on hold because of financial issues.”

Leigh says she enjoys every last piece of all she does. Whether she’s helping a grieving pet parent through her work with the Columbia Pet Cremation Center in Cayce or meeting with someone in their home, she gets a tremendous amount of satisfaction helping others.

When someone has the weight of the world on their shoulders, it means the world to be able to give them hope and joy, again.

If you have experienced loss, call Heather at 803-900-4751. Learn more by visiting www.healingwithheather.com .