BEHIND THE MIKE

Life is riddled with disappointments. Disappointment should not be considered devastation.

For instance, it is okay to be disappointed when you did not get that big promotion you thought you deserved. It is not okay to be devastated.

Personally I feel it is perfectly fine to go to “pity city” and enjoy a “pity party.” That is certainly what I did in Toronto in 1977 when I lost the World Championship of Public Speaking for Toastmasters because I went eight seconds over my allotted time.

As I was enjoying my “pity party” in the Toronto Pearson International Airport, stumbling along with shame showing on my face, I could not find a seat. So I took a seat on my suitcase, better known as my “pity pot,” where I wallowed away in misfortune as my plane taxied off without me.

I actually feel it is okay for everyone to wallow a bit. It brings us to the reality that the world did not end. So do your reality check, dust yourself off and get back into the race.

For me it was less about pity and more about anger at myself for going overtime. I knew the rules. I had to keep my speech below 7 minutes and 30 seconds. The standing ovation I received in the middle of the speech lasted eight seconds. Oops.

Instead of stewing in negativity, I used the loss to motivate me to try again the next year. That meant winning the club, the city, the area, the District and the Regional Championships again to get to the International Finals held for the second year in a row in Canada.

This time I did not allow anxious reactions to stress me out. In fact, I could have easily accepted that I was beaten by eight other speakers who had gone through the same grind that I did. Losing did not bother me; beating me did!

When I put that in perspective, I realized that I had to reframe my experience as a wonderful learning tool. It was disappointing, not devastating. Devastation would have been dying in a plane crash on the way home.

As much as I wanted others not to be part of the solution, I concluded that people grieve differently over loss. The advice of some perfectly well-meaning people was appreciated, but not necessarily heeded.

The most frustrating thing is your disappointment leads others to want to “one-up” you. So I decided not to dump my disappointment on others but to write down a solution. Mine was simple, “WIN IN VANCOUER” which was where the contest was being held the next year.

It seemed like writing the new goal down allowed me to be released from the pain and anguish of not achieving the old goal. I also took a mental inventory of all the wonderful things I learned along the way to losing in Toronto.

My grandfather Eli Mack Sr. started me on keeping journals when I was only 11 years old. I made a “gratitude” list for all the good stuff I had learned along the way. I also made a note to stay on time.

For instance, I noticed that no one ever moved on the stage, which seemed awkward to me. When I checked into it, I found there was no rule against coming out from behind the lectern. The simple fact was that no one had ever done it. I was the first in the history of Toastmasters.

When you clear your mind by writing things down, you do not allow your disappointments to become devastating. You realize that disappointments are part of life.

In baseball, no one bats a thousand. In fact, a .333 hitter is failing two out of three times that he goes to the plate. And yet he is among the highest paid players.

Ironically, a study once concluded that it amounts to one more hit in every 20 times at bat as compared to a .250 hitter. The key is to keep swinging. Don’t quit! It is disappointing not devastating.

Michael Aun CSP,  CPAE Speaker Hall of Fame, is the author of “The $ecret to $uccess in $elling is a $et of $kills”