An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into heaven?”

The boy though it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For heaven’s sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out.’ ”

An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon swaying and bumping around the sky. One very nervous lady happened to be sitting next to a clergyman and turned to him for comfort.

“Can’t you do something?” she demanded forcefully.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am, said the reverend gently, “I’m in sales, not management.”

I would like to present the funniest, most talented, most outstanding speaker and the fellow who wrote this introduction for me…

A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school. “If you promise not to believe everything you child says happens at school, I’ll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.”

One beautiful Sunday morning, a minister announced to his congregation” “My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons—a $100 sermon that last 5 minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts 15 minutes and a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour. Now, we take the collection and see which one I’ll deliver.”

Visitor: How long has your minister been preaching?

Member: About 30 years.

Visitor: He should be through soon.

Sign outside house in the city:

“Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of one German Shepherd.”