A local pastor joined a community service club, and the members thought they would have some fun with him. Under his name on the badge they printed “Hog caller” as his occupation.

Everyone made a big fanfare as the badge was presented. The pastor responded by saying, “I usually am called the ‘Shepherd of the Sheep,’ but you know your people better than I do.”

An honorary degree is like the curl in the tail of a pig:

• It follows the main part of the animal;

• It is highly ornamental;

• In no way does it improve the quality of the ham.

What is another name for stable thinking?

Horse sense,

Marriage is like horseradish. Men praise it with tears in their eyes.

A minister who was very fond of hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on the dining room table. He offered some to a guest, who took a spoonful.

When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped, “I’ve heard many ministers preach-hell fire, but you are the first one I’ve met who passes out samples.

The United States is the only country where a housewife hires a woman to do her cleaning so she can do volunteer work at the day nursery where the cleaning woman leaves her child.

Marriage Counselor to female client: Maybe your problem is you’ve been waking up grumpy in the mornings.

Client: No, I always let him sleep.

Guru to guest: “There are several meanings of life—a $50 meaning, a $100 meaning, and a very meaningful $500 meaning.