By Scoop Bellune

ute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

10 Reasons that Beer is Better than Religion

10. You won’t be killed if you don’t drink beer.

9. Beer doesn’t dictate how you have sex and with whom.

8. No wars have been started over beer.

7. Beer is never forced upon minors who are too young to think for themselves.

6. When you have beer, you don’t go around from house to house trying to give it away.

5. No one has ever been tortured, burned alive, or hanged over their preference for a certain kind of beer.

4. There is no need to wait 2000 years for the coming of your second beer.

3. There have been laws passed that ensure that beer labels can’t lie to you.

2. You are able to actually physically prove that you do, indeed, have a beer.

1. If your life has been devoted to beer, there are groups you can join to help you stop.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman

Why Alcohol Should be Served at Work

It gives you an incentive to carpool. Fewer people complain about a low salary. It gives you a reason to show up for work. The food tastes better, your fellow employees look better, and everyone is more open with their ideas. Getting a raise is much easier when your boss has been drinking. There is no need for coffee to help you sober up. Most people will stay and work later because there is no longer any need to relax at a bar. /p> -The days that you take off sick are definitely for genuine illnesses. Bathroom breaks can last longer and can be taken more frequently.

Trying to write with a broken pencil is pointless.

What do Eskimos get from sitting around in their igloos for too long? Polaroids!

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

One snowman turns to the snowman next to him and asks, “Is it just me, or do you smell carrots, too?”

What do you call a last will and testament? A dead giveaway.

Warning: If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

When you come to one of the forks in the road of life, don’t waste time and energy wishing it was a spoon.

Early to bed, early to rise ensures a healthy, dull demise.

What do you call a girl who complains a lot? - Mona

On the evils of drinking...

A man walking out of a pub late at night has had a few too many to drink. He walks down the street with one foot on the sidewalk and one foot on the road. It looks awfully awkward and he seems to have a hard time doing it. A little later a policeman walks up to him and asks, “Well, sir, had one too many to drink, eh?” The man replies, “I have? Yes, I have! Oh thank God, I thought I was crippled!”

What would you call a drunk who works at an upholstery shop? A recovering alcoholic.

A woman drove me to drink ... and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her!

You know you just may be TOO drunk when ... You consistenly lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Mosquitoes that bite you fly away in erratic patterns and hit objects in their way.

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over. “Did you know,” says the cop, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?” “Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a min-