Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta.

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator. Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine! Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?” A: “You can’t tuna fish.” Q: What do you call a pile of kittens A: a meowntain Q: What do you call a baby monkey? A: A Chimp off the old block. Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”! Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock? A: It went back four seconds. Q: What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? A: An ambulance. Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? A: Because she will let it go. Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk. Q: If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? A: Idaho... Alaska! Q: Did you hear about that new broom? A: It’s sweeping the nation! Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? A: An irrelephant. Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits! Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel. Q: Where do crayons go on vacation? A: Color-ado! Q: Why did the belt get arrested? A: He held up a pair of pants. Q: What do you call a fat psychic? A: A four chin teller. Q: What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A: A Dell Rolling in the Deep. Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together! Q: What do you call a computer that sings? A: A-Dell Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it! Q: Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? A: Because they have their own soul. Q: What is heavy forward but not backward? A: Ton. Q: What do you call a gangsta snowman? A: Froze-T Q: What did the femur say to the patella? A: I kneed you. Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? A: Kitty Perry Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks. Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom? A: At the BP station! Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver. Q: What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? A: LMAYO Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A: a thesaurus. Q: “How do you shoot a killer bee?” A: “With a bee bee gun.” Q: How do you drown a Hipster? A: In the mainstream. Q: What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? A: Clean Jokes! Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? A: “Where’s Popcorn?” Q: What do you call sad coffee?” A: Despresso. Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? A: It barked with de-light! Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A: A stamp. Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? A: Nobody nose. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor? A: Because it had a virus! Q: Why did the giraffe get bad grades? A: He had his head in the clouds. Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them. Q: What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A: A penny.. Q: How do you make an Octupus laugh? A: With ten-tickles. Q: Why are pirates called pirates? A: Cause they arrrrr. Q: What is the tallest building in the world? A: The library! It has the most stories! Q: What’s the first bet that most people make in their lives? A: the alpha bet. Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers! Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet! Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner? A: Man, that hit the “spot.” Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer. Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.. Q: What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? A: Instagram. Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor? A: Because it was not peeling well. Q: Why is England the wettest country? A: Because the queen has reigned there for years! Q: What belongs to you but others use more? A: Your name. Q: Why do fish live in salt water? A: Because pepper makes them sneeze! Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A: He wanted cold hard cash! Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.