There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish ice fishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win because they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.

A hole! You need to make a hole in the ice!

How many blonde jokes are there?

One. The rest of them are true stories.

What do you do when a blonde girl throws a grenade at you?

You pull the pin out and throw it back!

Q: What’s the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? A: Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

Why don’t aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?

A dinosnore!

What language do they speak in Cuba?

Cubic!

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins says:

“Man it’s hot in here!”

The other muffin exclaims,

“Look a talking muffin!!”

An elderly couple goes to Burger King and shares their fries and burger. A trucker sitting next to them offers to pay for the old lady. “It’s all right,” says the old man. “We always share everything.” On seeing that the old lady has not eaten anything, the trucker once again makes an offer. The old man once again assures the trucker to stay calm and resumes eating. Finally, the trucker asks the lady about not eating anything. The old lady replies, “ I am waiting for the teeth.”

A member of Congress is walking down the streets of Washington late in the night. He is surrounded by muggers and is asked to give all his money. The Congress member says, “I am one of the members of Congress.” The muggers say, “Sorry boss!”

A doctor says to his patient, “I have got bad news and worse news for you today.” The worried patient asks, “What is the bad news?” The reply comes, “You can live for one day at the most.” The frightened patient then asks, “What could be worse?” The doctor says, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday evening.”

“Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway”.

“If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said “Quit while you’re ahead”?