A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.

The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

Old and Broke

A friend of mine just died. He was 84 years old, died broke. At the funeral, everyone said, ‘What a shame, he died penniless.’ I don’t know -- to me that sounds like perfect timing on a hell of a budget.

Organic Exterminators

I’m trying to do my bit to save the planet. I called one of these organic exterminators. They advertise ‘all natural, no harmful chemicals.’ I got such a bad headache from that. All that stomping -- what a mess!

Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?

A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers.

A boss tells a blonde applicant, “I’ll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I’ll raise it to $10 an hour. So when would you like to start?” She replies, “In three months.”

“Son, did you know I was named after Nikola Tesla?”

“But Dad, your name is Michael!”

“True, but I was named AFTER him.”

You: “So, dad, I was thinking…”

Dad: “Ohhhhh and I wondered what that high-pitched grinding sound was!”

Woman to husband: “Please say dirty things to me!” Man: “Bath, Kitchen, Living room...”

My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

Q: Why doesn’t our democratic society permit a man to have 2 wives?

A: Because our laws protect us against cruel and unusual punishment.