My friend Tim Houghtaling sent this: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure to nominate candidates for President of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independencee immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states. Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate are disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

You will note these rules

1. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

2. You will learn to resolve personal issues without guns, lawyers or therapists. Guns should only be used to shoot grouse. If you can’t live without a lawyer or a therapist, you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

3. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler and a permit will be required.

4. You will start driving on the left side to help you understand the British sense of humour.

5. You will learn to make real chips. Your French fries are not real chips. Real chips are thick-cut, fried in animal fat and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

6. Your cold, tasteless stuff is not actually beer. Only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine so it can be sold without risk of further confusion.

7. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football. You call it soccer.

PS. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with cups, saucers and high-quality biscuits (cookies).

God Save the Queen!.”

Got a joke?

Please send it to my editor at JerryBellune@yahoo.com