Our Sports Editor Thomas Grant, Jr. offered to send me to any sporting event our readers wanted.

How many responded?

Zip. Zilch. Zero.

Did everyone who reads the Chronicle lose their sense of humor with their baby teeth? Shame on you.

The Wall Street Journal’s editor made a similar offer to send sports writer Jason Gay to an event and 2,000 readers responded.

They sent Jason to the Georgia State Fair at the Atlanta Motor Speedway for ... the pig races.

Journal reader Kemp Dolliver saw pigs race at the N.C. State Fair and loved it. On the internet, he found the Georgia pig races.

“Good clean fun,” Kemp wrote. “The pigs don’t have contracts, agents, or off-season drama.”

The pigs – all 6 months old – were late. After 6 months, they become too fat to do more than eat, sleep, roll in slop and get ready for bacon and eggs.

The emcee, Crystal Coronas, took to the PA system with: “Let me explain to everybody what’s about to happen. You’re about to see 3 races. In the first race you’re going to see our first four Hollywood stars.

“Our second race will be our only two obstacle racing pigs. And the main event is winner take all ... 6 racing pigs at the same time.

“Now before we race, I’m going to count to 3 and I want you to yell, SOO-WEE

“When you yell SOOWEE, my pigs will know it’s time to race.”

The crowd complied.

“SOO-WEE” they yelled.

The pigs, Jason Gay wrote, have pun-tastic names: Britney Spare Ribs, Kim Kardashi-ham, Harry Porker, Sponge-hog Pork Pants. They’re adorable

“They’re the kind of pigs you want to snuggle. They don’t look like racers. But they are racers.

“ The track is a single loop, roughly the length of the aisle on a passenger jet. Each race is over in a flash.

“Your kids won’t fall asleep like they do during 9 p.m. baseball games. I’ve seen a lot less exciting NFL contests,” Jason wrote.

Now here’s where I get to thank you and other unresponsive Chronicle readers. Our sports editor has not threatened to send me to the pig races, Pelion or even the Pine Ridge Police Follies.

But, as weary South Carolina football fans too often say, just wait till next year.

I’ll admit, a lot of us would have enjoyed the pig races. Could we book them for the Lexington County Fair?

If you think the Sports Grouch is stupid and his column is insipid, please don’t write our editor at ChronicleSports@yahoo.com . He might fire me.