A few years ago my middle child, a big six foot, fair skinned, brown-eyed young man said he’d witnessed the most amazing thing.

“Mom, I just saw a mother duck trying to teach her babies to swim! She lined them up on a log, jumped in the water and watched like she was waiting for them to follow. When none of the ducklings jumped in, she got out of the water, sat with them and jumped in again. She did this several times. Finally, she must have decided it was time for them to get in the water so she got out, approached the log and then just nudged each duckling in! And that was it!”

I giggled a bit and he started to smile. “Mom, how did she know they would be okay? I can’t believe it was just that easy for her to push her ducklings into the water!”

My son was noticeably upset but fascinated by what he had witnessed.

Preparing for our children to leave home is an interesting thing. I’m not sure I was ever formally prepared for it. (Actually, I wasn’t) It’s a bit like parenthood; you jump in with both feet and hope what you are doing is right.

So what can we do to prepare for this time of transformation and change?

Below are three things I’ve discovered navigating my arduous path to empty nest-hood that nobody told me about, but I certainly wish I knew. These are secrets I’ve kept to myself but, they need to be shared.

1. Examine any preconceived notions you have about what life should be like. For example, my vision of empty nesting was based on enjoying more beach time with my children’s dad. When my youngest left home, we had been divorced for ten years! Somehow a part of me had forgotten this. As you can imagine, I was left with a deep sense of bewilderment.

2. Don’t get a new dog. I got two. I needed something to show affection. I love them to pieces but to be completely honest, having them limits my ability to be the free-spirited woman I am.

2. Know what other life changes you may be facing at the time your child leaves. This is especially important for women. Menopause coupled with children leaving can cause a woman to question her role in life. Losing a loved one or a job you enjoyed can create a deep sense of grief. If you’re a single mom or dad, that adds to the challenge because you’ll be without a partner to help you adjust to these changes.

Keep these three secrets in mind and you’ll be preparing for a happy, anxiety-free empty nest.

MaryJo Briggs-Austin is a Board Certified Drugless Practitioner at The Athena Center for women who struggle with trauma, PTSD or unresolved grief. You can find more of her writing at http://maryjobriggs.com/ or learn more about the Athena Center by visiting https://theathenacenter.com