Life 101

Have you ever felt as if someone was writing the story of your life? That you were a character whose life was dictated by another? In the story I would have written I would have married the love of my life, had 4 children and lived happily ever after. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. In my story, the conflict began when I was about 12. A character was introduced into my story who had no physical body but a voice I could hear loud and clear. This voice had only one thing to say, “What will people think?”

Always a people pleaser, I followed all the rules. If I did everything I was told life would be good. Then I got married. To the wrong person. For the wrong reasons. Rather than listen to my gut telling me it wasn’t too late to admit my mistake, I listened to those I thought knew best. I heard: “Pray more. Read your Bible.” For 20 years I did all those things daily, but it just never seemed to help. Every day there was a new conflict. There was nothing I could do right. Our third child died 3 days after I gave birth. It was the most painful thing I had ever gone through. I was hoping this would draw my husband and me closer together. Unfortunately, he drowned his sorrows at the bar. That drove us further apart.

On my 45th birthday, I asked him to take a family bike ride with our 5 children, He chose to spend the day at the bar. That was the last straw. I decided I couldn’t live like this any more. Guess who was right on the scene? The voice: “What will people think?” They will think I’m a failure. That I only care about myself and am ruining our children’s lives. That I’ve failed God. Then fear, the antagonist in my story, stepped in and threw some zingers at me. For the 1st time in 46 years, I decided to speak back to those voices in my head. The next week I asked my husband for a divorce. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done, yet I don’t regret it. I am now re-writing my story. This time I’m not listening to that voice. I’m not staying stuck in fear of what others think. I’m asking myself, “How can I live my best life? How can I be the person God created me to be? How I can help others do what I did, which is face your fears, get unstuck and live the life of your choosing?”

Stacy Rothenberger is a real estate agent and Lexington County Toastmasters Club president.