How does a farmer mend his overalls? With cabbage patches.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.

What goes through towns, up and over hills, but doesn’t move? The road.

Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instruments? Mount Rushmore.

Want to hear a roof joke? The first one’s on the house.

A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway. Police advise citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals.

I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

My boss just texted me: “Send me one of your funny jokes!” I texted him back: “I’m busy working. I’ll send one later.” “That’s hilarious,” he said. “Send another one!”

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.

What did the left eye say to the right eye. Between you and me, something smells.

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