Golf is a lot of walking broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

A group of golfers were telling tall stories. At last came a veteran’s turn. “Well, he said, “I one drove a ball, accidentally of course, through a cottage window. The ball knocked over an oil lamp and the place caught on fire.””What did you do?” asked his freinds.

“Oh,” said the veteran, “I immediately teed another ball, took careful aim, and hit the fire alarm on Main Street. That brought out the fire engine before any major damage waa done.

A distinguished clergyman and one of his parishioners were playing golf. It was a very close match, and at the last hole the clergyman teed up, addressed the ball, and swung his driver with great force. The ball, instead of sailing down the fairway, merely rolled off the tee and settled some 12 feet away.

The clergyman frowned, glared, and bit his lip, but said nothing. His opponent regarded him for a moment, then remarked:

“Pastor, that is the most profane silence I have ever witnessed.”

The man who says he is just as good as half the folks in the church seldom specifies which half.

A man I know solved the problem of too many visiting relatives. He borrowed money from the rich ones and loaned it to the poor ones. Now none of them come back.

“My husband just ran off with someone else. I can hardly control myself.”

“Go ahead and let go, Dearie. You’ll feel better after a good laugh.”

NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you suppose they know that we don’t?