A: Fill his underpants with water.

Q: Did you hear about the French Army rifle sold on ebay? A: The only description under the picture of it was “Nie gefeuert, einmal fallen gelessen” This is German for “never fired, dropped once”

Q: How do you kill a Frenchman? A: Slam the toilet seat down when he’s getting a drink.

Q: How did the French react to German reunification? A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.

Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back? A: Jacques Chirac

Q: What is the other way to spell the name of the French president? A: Jacques ChIraq.

Q: Which is the biggest rope? A: Europe

Q: What is the French national anthem? A: We surrender.

Q: What does a frog in Paris eat? A: French Flies.

Q: What’s the best place to hide your money? A: Under a Frenchman’s soap.

Q: What do you do if you drive over a Frenchman? A: Reverse!

Q: Why don’t they have fireworks at Euro Disney? A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: The American military wears combat boots. What does the French military wear? A: Track shoes.

Let’s Travel to France

Q: How do you keep a French person from crashing your party? A: Put a sign up that says “no nudity”

Q: Why do French People eat snails? A: Because they don’t like fast food!

Q: How does every French joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What is the Guillotine? A: A French chopping centre.

Q: Which ghost was president of France? A: Charles de Ghoul.

Q: What’s the difference between a smart Frenchman and a unicorn? A: Nothing, they’re both fictional characters

Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris? A: He was declared to be in Seine.

Q: Did you hear about the winner of the French beauty contest? A: Me neither.

Q: What do you call an Frenchman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A: A Referee.

Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in France? A: He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A: A salesman.

Q: Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes? A: In France.

Q: Did you hear about the brave Frenchman? Oh you didn’t. A: Well don’t feel bad no one else has either.

Q: How do you brainwash a Frenchman? Q: How do you sink a French battleship? A: Put it in water.

Q: What’s in the middle of Paris? A: R.

Q: Why is the French Prime Minister never seen in the morning? A: Becasue he is pm not am!

Q: What do French recruits learn in basic training? A: How to surrender in 17 different languages.

Q: How do French tanks work? A: They have one forward gear and six reverse ones.

Q: Why don’t the French eat M&M candies? A: They’re too hard to peel.

Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Q: What’s the difference between Frenchmen and toast? A: You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q: How do you stop a French tank? A: Shoot the guy that’s pushing it.

Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a hand-grenade at you? A: Take the pin out and throw it back.

Q: How do you get a Frenchman out of a bath tub? A: Throw in a bar of soap.

Knock Knock Who’s there? Paris! Paris who? “Paris the thought!”

“I Paris the time, by telling knock knock jokes.”