Ben: One of our little pigs was sick so I gave him some sugar.

Dan: Sugar! What for?

Ben: Haven’t you ever heard of a sugar-cured ham?

Son: Dad, did you go to Sunday school when you were young?

Dad: Never missed a Sunday.

Son: Bet it won’t do me any good either.

Father: Can you support her in the way she’s become accustomed to?

Prospective son-in-law: No, perhaps I can’t support her in the manner she has been accustomed to, but I can support her in the way her mother was accustomed to when she first married.

Cheerful people, the doctors say, resist disease better than the glum ones. In other words, the surly bird catches the germ.

Seems that a tribal chieftan’s daughter was offered as a bride to the son of a neighboring potentate in exchange for 2 cows and 4 sheep. The big swap was to be effected on the shore of the stream that separated the 2 tribes. Pop and his daughter showed up at the appointed time, only to discover that the groom and his livestock were on the other side of the stram. The father grunted, “The fool doesn’t know which side his bride is bartered on.”

“Pull over to the curb,” said the policeman. “You don’t have a taillight.” The motorist stepped out, looked in back of the car and stood quivering and speechless.

“Oh, it’s not that bad,” said the policeman.

The man mumbled, “It’s not the taillight I’m worried about. Where are my wife and trailer?”

Social tact is making your company feel at home even though you wish they were.