Bill: I’m a steady worker.

Bob: Yeah, and if you were any steadier, you would be motionless.

“My husband didn’t leave a bit of insurance.”

“Then where did you get that gorgeous diamond ring?”

“Well, he left $1,000 for his casket and $5,000 for a stone. This is the stone.”

The dull thing about going the straight and narrow-path is that you so seldom meet anybody you know.

Father: When I was your age, I never kissed a girl. Will you be able to your children that?

Son: Not with a straight face.

If you want to avoid domestic strife, don’t marry in January…and that goes for the other months, too.

She: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

He: You should have known that the minute I asked you.

Two men dove their cars toward each other on a narrow street—neither could pass. One man leaned out and shouted, “I never back up for a stupid idiot.”

“I always do!” shoulted the other man, shifting into reverse.

Clara: My pastor is so good he can talk on any subject for an hour.

Sarah: That’s nothing. My pastor can talk for an hour without a subject!

They say success is 90% perspiration. You must be a tremendous success!

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

Speaker: After an introduction like that, I can hardly wait to hear what I am going to say myself.