The reason ideas die quick ly in some people’s heads is because they can’t stand solitary confinement.

“When I was a child I used to bite my fingernails and the doctor told me If I didn’t quit it I’d grow up to be an idiot.” “And you couldn’t stop, huh?”

Mother: The baby is the image of his father. Neighbor: What do you care, so long as he is healthy?

One young mother, on receiving a nursery school report that described her daughter as “emotionally immature, asked with good sense, “If you can’t be immature at three, when can you be?”

Science has found that insanity is hereditary—parents get it from their children. Our speaker will not bore you with a long speech—he can do it with a short one.

I’m sorry to announce we have two disappointment tonight. Robert Redford couldn’t make it, and John Smith could.

You’ve been a wonderful audience. You stayed.

Our speaker this evening-gives the most refreshing talks. Everywhere he goes the audiences always feel good when they wake up.

He had an extremely high IQ when he was five. Too bad he grew out of it.

I wish I had a lower IQ so I could enjoy your company.

April is always a difficult month for Americans. Even if your ship comes in, the IRS is right there to help you unload it.

“Now, that looks like a happily married couple.” “Don’t be too sure, my dear. They’re probably saying the same thing about us.”

Q: Why did the boy eat his homework? A: Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Q: Why is basketball such a messy sport? A: Because you dribble on the floor!

Q: How do you communicate with a fish? A: Drop him a line!

Q: What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? A: Look grandpa, no hands!

Q: Where do sheep go to get haircuts? A: To the Baa Baa shop!

Q: What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? A: Jellyfish!

Q: What do cats eat for breakfast? A: Mice Crispies!