My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of the house.

What to give a man who’s got everything? A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife.-But she figured out I was only after my money.

I got a call telling me my wife’s been taken to the hospital. “Oh my Lord, how is she?!” I asked. “I’m sorry to say she’s critical,” said the nurse. “What the heck is she complaining about again?”

A 60-year-old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception. His friends are quite jealous and, in a quiet moment, one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23-year-old beauty? “Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age.” His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said. ”Well”, he replied. “I said I was 87!”

Marriage is an institution of three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who’s lying on the floor, “Have you seen me rob this bank?” “Yes, sir,” says the customer and gets promptly shot. “Have you seen me rob this bank?” the robber asks another customer. “Absolutely not, sir, but my wife here saw everything!”

“Darling, can I go out in this dress?” “Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”

A little boy looks at his mmm at a wedding and says, “Mommy, why is the girl dressed all in white?” His mom answers, “The girl is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”

Send me your favorite joke at lexingtonchronicle@gmail.com .