nUCLEAR & OTHER fIASCOS

“Greetings, ignorant earthlings, take us to your leader.” “Hey! Why are you little green guys calling us ignorant?” “Sorry about that. I’ll explain later. I am Zork, head scientist of the planet Hrexah. We are from an advanced civilization that comes with advice about the mistakes you are making in energy use.” “Well, I’m Red Neckerson and this here’s my buddies Little Bill and Hoot. We’re a campin’ out here to get an early start on deer huntin’ tomorrow.” “We are here to tell you that earth is wasting trillions in your dollars on poor technologies. Ethanol and bio-diesel are weak but expensive products. Their use is not justified given the much better alternatives. Your promotion of wind and solar power generation are terrible technologies soaking up tremendous resources that could be better used. And your fear of carbon dioxide is completely irrational.” “Well, we’uns knows all that already. Them technologies are used due to politics.” “Yes, your politics. That’s another reason we have come to Washington, D.C.…” “D.C.! Aha. Listen up, mister head scientist, advanced civilization, poor imitation of Kermit the frog, smarty pants – this here is Washington, Georgia!”

A few weeks later

“Greetings, earthling Red Neckerson.” “What? You little green guys again? I thought you were going to Washington, DC, and use yer so-called higher intelligence to help solve earth’s problems.” “We went to your capitol but no one paid any attention to us because we didn’t have lobbying representation. So we abducted an earthling for study, one of your leaders.” “Hey! That guy they’s a bringing from the space ship looks a lot like Al Gore.” “That is Al Gore. We brought him back.” “Can we convince y’all to keep him?” “No. We have a happy planet, thank you. In the short time Al was with us he used a bunch of lies to predict future disaster for our planet, called for a reduction in our standard of living and the implementation of a collectivist society. We had to get rid of him before anyone took him serious.” “Ah. You guys really are smarter than folks on earth. But why bring him here to Washington, Georgia?” “Since earthlings in this Washington rely on common sense, he will do less damage. We may check back in a couple of hundred years to see if earth survives.”