April 15 has a painful significance for many Americans because you-know-who-needs-you-know-what… your tax returns are due.

It will be doubly painful for me this year because I will be undergoing my second hip replacement. My right hip was done about 10 years ago. I had so many problems with that replacement that I did everything in my power to avoid surgery on the left hip.

Quarterly shots worked for years and then you are rewarded with “You have reached your point of diminishing return,” meaning that’s all folks! This column goes to press the day of my surgery, so you’ll have to sit tight to see how it went.

Doctors have a rather dry sense of humor about rebuilding your bionic parts. One told me I was not “very hip” to begin with. He happened to be the same doc who screwed up the first surgery so my opinions about him will not make it to his “atta-boy comments” section on his website.

As a result, he was one-and-done. I believe it is perfectly okay to fire your doctor, especially one who takes the longest, most expensive way around the problem to serve his interests, not yours. Don’t ask.

My main goal is to get the wheels rolling again. Football is just around the corner and I have the difficult job of being the world’s oldest ball boy for the St. Cloud High Bulldogs who my son coaches.

Since I was never fast on my feet, the transition should solidify my rep as the world’s slowest ballboy. Fortunately for me, most of the refs slogging (slow jogging) along the sidelines are older than I am.

The primary reason for the hip replacement is to have a complete night of sleep. When pain has you up every 2 hours you come to the point where you will do anything for uninterrupted sleep.

One thing I learned from my previous hip replacement was that one of my legs is longer than the other. When you make your living giving speeches on your feet for up to 2 hours at a time, you develop defense mechanisms. Mine was to overcompensate for the shorter leg by leaning on the longer one, speaking on one leg at a time.

The previous doctor told me he evened the length of the legs when he replaced the right hip. The unintended consequences of the world’s best laid plan? I literally had to learn how to stand, walk and run again. They literally shortened my leg to match the other.

Too bad they cannot just keep the hip and replace the rest of me. Dozens of people would have voted for that option. The new hip will not make me more hip… but at least I will be able to sleep at night.

The good news… I do not fly as much. I will set off fewer metal detectors at airports. The bad news is I cannot accept the fact that age is catching up with me.

To make that easier, I have found it more convenient to just add 10 years to my age when others inquire. My wife Christine cannot wrap her head around this strategy. People come up to you and say- “You look great” for 90, 80 or whatever age you want!

The alternative of rounding down has few redeeming qualities. People give you the benefit of the doubt when you “lie up” and not “down” about how old you are.

If my strategy is working, I’ll be running like a 40-year-old shortly while disguising myself as an 80-year-old. What I need to see a shrink… not an orthopedic doctor.

Michael Aun is co-author of the 26 Volume Series “Build a Better You, Starting Now”-Volume 5.