Q: Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? A: All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

Q: Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

Q: What pet makes the loudest noise? A: A trumpet!

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping? A: He woke up.

Q: What the difference between you and a calendar? A: a calendar has dates.

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas? A: Bugs Bunny!

Q: What word looks the same backwards and upside down? A: Swims

Q: Why did the manager hire the marsupial? A: Because he was koala-fied.

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? A: Tentacles.

Q: What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? A: Bridge over troubled water.

Q: Have you ever tried to eat a clock? A: It’s very time consuming.

Q: Did you hear about the ghost comedian? A: He was booed off stage.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? A: An offer you can’t understand.

Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel? A: Nostralgia.

Q: Why did the dog cross the road? A: To get to the “barking” lot!

Q: How do spiders communicate? A: Through the World Wide Web.

Q: Why are chefs so mean? A: They beat eggs and whip cream.

Q: Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? A: He’s all right now.

Q: Did you hear about the paper boy? A: He blew away

Q: When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet? A: Nobody new why.

Q: What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? A: Arriba McEntire.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? A: An offer you can’t understand.

Q: Did you hear about the circus fire? A: Yeah, it was in’tents’.

Q: Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? A: Because he was a paleontologist.

Q: Where does bad light go? A: PRISM!

Q: Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? A: None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.

Q: Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? A: Their making headlines...

Q: Why did the log fall into a creek? A: Because that’s how it ROLLS!

Q: What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A: deadant deadant deadant deadant.

Q: What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? A: a Vel-Crow.

Music Teacher: What’s your favourite musicle instrument? Fat Kid: The lunch bell

Q: Why did the two 4’s skip lunch? A: They already 8 (ate).