A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?”

His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”

The boy thinks about this and asks, “Why is the boy wearing black?”

A lady to her doctor: “My husband has a bad habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him?”

Doctor: Give him a chance to talk when he’s awake.

It is said that the husband is the head of the family, but his wife is the neck and the neck can turn the head exactly the way she wants.

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings.

The wife answers and, after a few seconds, replies, “How am I supposed to know? We’re 200 miles inland!” and hangs up.

Her husband asks, “Sweetheart, who was that?”

“Some dumb blonde asking if the coast is clear.”

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”

Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?”

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your sense of humor!”

1st guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”

2nd guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”

And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: “Up! Quick! My husband is back!”

Man gets up, jumps out of the window, and then realizes: “I am the husband!”

A man inserted a classified ad: “Wife wanted.”

Next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t interrupt her.”

Memorial Day was coming up and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to talk to her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “And the greatest thing about America is that we are all free.”

From the back of the room: “I’m not free. I’m four.”