In a small town the farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, the wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece. One old farmer stood up and said, “What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has.”

Quick as a flash the woman replied, “Take off your boots, Man, and count them!”

A tight wad was looking for a gift for a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken and he could purchase it for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit.

In due time he received an acknowledgement: “Thanks for the vase,” it read. “It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately.”

A mother of 12 was asked how in the world she could take care of all her children.

“Well,” she replied. “When I only had 1 it took all my time, so how could 11 more make any difference?”

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the wife. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my husband’s mule stumbled. My husband took the mule by the ears, shook him vigorously and said ‘That’s once.’ We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband took him by the ears, shook him and said ‘That’s twice.’ We hadn’t gone half a mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My husband promptly removed a revolver from his pocket and shot him. I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he grabbed me by the ears, shook me vigorously, and said ‘That’s once’.”