Q: Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? A: The police are calling it an axe-i-dent. Q: Did you hear about the monster with five legs? A: His trousers fit him like a glove. Q: Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school? A: Because they’re all in High School! Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary? A: “Smiles”, because there is a mile between each “s”! Q: What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? A: It wooden go! Q: Which month do soldiers hate most? A: The month of March! Q: What did the painter say to the wall? A: One more crack like that and I’ll plaster you! Q: What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A: A Frisbee. Q: What did the M&M go to college? A: Because he wanted to be a Smarty. Q: What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? A: A shadow. Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear? A: Thunder-wear . Q: Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? A: In case they get a hole in one! Q: What kind of berry has a coloring book? A: A crayon-berry. Q: What do you call a magician on a plane? A: A flying sorcerer! Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A: He wanted to get to the bottom. Q: Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A: A Mer-maid Q: Whens the best time to go to the dentist? A: Toothhurty. Q: What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? A: I wanna get a head! Q: Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? A: It was quite an oar deal. Q: Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? A: Because he wanted to work over-time! Q: Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? A: Because it runs through your jeans. Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? A: Urgent Tina . Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? A: Because he wanted to see time fly! Q: When do you stop at green and go at red? A: When you’re eating a watermelon! Q: What did the tailor think of her new job? A: It was sew sew. Q: How did the farmer mend his pants? A: With cabbage patches! Q: Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? A: He couldn’t concentrate! Q: Can I tell you a joke about paper. A: Nah, never mind, its tearable. Q: How do you repair a broken tomato? A: Tomato paste! Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry? A: Because his parents were in a jam! Q: What did the hamburger name his daughter? A: Patty! Q: What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay? A: A deviled egg! Q: What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A: A turkey! Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital? A: He felt crummy! Q: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? A: She couldn’t control her pupils! Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A: A private tutor. Q: What do you call a bear with no socks on? A: Barefoot. Q: What can you serve but never eat? A: A volleyball. Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear? A: Sneakers. Q: Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? A: So he could tie the score. Q: Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? A: They both depend on the batter. Q: What did the alien say to the garden? A: Take me to your weeder. Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat? A: A heavy discussion. Q: Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? A: They got married in the spring. Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? A: Because they cantaloupe. Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter? A: I better not tell you, it might spread. Q: How do baseball players stay cool? A: They sit next to their fans. Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because it had too many problems. Q: What runs but doesn’t get anywhere? A: A refrigerator. Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer? A: The Space bar!