It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years.

Sometimes I drink water - just to surprise my liver

Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.

Of course I have a talent. I’m really good in bed. Sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go.

“If I wanted to jump off a cliff, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level.”

According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella

... and out of the chaos, a sentence came to me: “Laugh and be happy, it could be worse!” ... and so I laughed and was happy and it really became worse.

If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?

Organized people are simply too lazy to search for stuff.

A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.

When somebody doesn’t get something: I’m sorry, I have neither the patience, nor the coloring crayons to explain this to you.

Finally, the spring is here! I’m so thrilled I wet my plants.

If you’re having a bad day, remember some adults wear braces.

If I can still lie on the ground without having to hold myself, I’m not drunk.

Do people talk about you behind your back? Simply fart.

They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.

As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.

There are people who are a living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death.

I’m aware that the voices in my head aren’t real. But their ideas are just awesome sometimes!

Somebody said today that I’m lazy. I nearly answered him.

I’m not lazy. I’m just naturally a very relaxed person.

I’m not saying I’m Batman, but so far nobody has seen me and Batman together in the same room.

What can you say when it’s already late and you really want to go home? “Can you hear that? That’s my pillow calling and it becomes really mean when I let it wait too long.

I’m standing outside. In other words, I’m outstanding. My mood is currently swinging between an axe and gasoline.

A housewife’s battle: The household stares at me. I stare right back. Without breaking eye contact, I slide a piece of chocolate in my mouth. I won!

Stressed is just desserts spelled backwards.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

I’m all for irony, but the phrase “Good morning” seems to be going a bit too far.

I wouldn’t exactly say I’m lazy but it’s a good thing that breathing is a reflex.

You can only be young once. But you can enjoy being infantile forever.

Married women face a significantly lower risk of kidnapping, nobody can be certain that the ransom would actually be paid.

No thanks, I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food pyramid to become a vegetarian.

I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.

I weighed myself today. It is clear I am too small for my weight.

If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.

I’m pretty sure some people’s heads are just a backup copy of their butts.

What do I have in common with a Victoria’s Secret best model? I’m hungry, too.