I’ll keep you out of trouble by reminding you that you need to get a gift and enchant her with some terrible Valentine jokes.

What do stamps say to envelopes on Valentine’s Day? “I’m stuck on you!”

Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?

His heart wasn’t in it.”

What do you call 2 birds in love? Tweethearts!

How can you tell a squirrel is in love? He goes nuts.

I thought I won an argument with my wife on how to arrange dining room furniture But when I got home the tables were turned.

What did the calculator say to the pencil?

“You can count on me.”

How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring!

What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb? “You light my world up.”

How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day? For stealing someone’s heart.