Little girl: Grandfather, please sound like a frog.

Grandfather: Why sound like a frog?

Little girl: Mommy says we’ll get a lot of money when you croak.

A construction worker sat down to eat his lunch, opened his lunch box, took out the sandwich and exclaimed, “Oh no, not peanut-butter sandwiches again!”

The next day the same thing was repeated. This went on for several more days before his co-worker finally said, “Joe, if you don’t like peanut-butter sandwiches, just tell your wife not to pack them anymore!”

His friend immediately fired back, “You leave my wife out of this! I pack my own lunch!!”

25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy

You can go to the bathroom and do it standing up or sitting down, or even while taking a shower. And as a bonus, you can write your name in the snow.

The toilet seems to clean itself, and even if it doesn’t, that does not worry you.

You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

You can wear the same hairstyle for years. And wrinkles and gray hair add character to your face.

Your old friends don’t criticize you if you’ve lost or gained weight.

One wallet, one belt, one pair of shoes: the perfect outfit for every day. Three pairs of shoes, total, are plenty for all of your needs.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes, and you never have strap problems in public.

A short vacation only needs a single carry-on suitcase. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

You get to enjoy movie nudity which is virtually always female.

You know the truth about why you don’t call a woman back after the first date which is that there was a good football game on TV and you plain forgot.

In a relationship you can fix everything with flowers.

Weddings plan themselves. Buying a wedding dress costs $2,000, whereas a tuxedo rental costs $75.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

You don’t have to know more than 5 colors.

You don’t need to feel more than 3 emotions, ranging from good to bad.

You don’t need to talk about problems and you get credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

“Don’t bother showing me to the door,” his motherin-law said.

“It’s no bother.” her sonin-law said.

“It’s my pleasure.”